above is a link to a wonderful article about choosing a kindergarten from the teaching tolerance website
i’ve added a new link to the right.
you really cannot get better than the Teaching Tolerance website for learning about issues of diversity. it’s a great place to start but more than that, no matter who you are it’s a great place to keep on learning, as the world continues to change.
the article i link to above is an example of that.
i will write about our own experiences of searching for a school, being happy, being confused, being sad, leaving the school we had searched for so hard and landing in the school that Q rides his bike to now (leave it to us to not see our own garden for what it is and go looking…)
much of what the woman in this article writes i can relate to. their search was similar although being educators they were wiser than we were in some things. one notable difference between their family and ours is that they state that they discuss race frequently and it seems they do so in front of their daughter. we are different in that way. we do not discuss ‘race’ in front of Q. for our family race is a political discussion and he’s to young. he’s heard about discrimination but at the moment thinks of it in historical terms, like when he read a picture book about Dr. King’s childhood. I don’t have a value judgement on whether this is ‘right’ or ’wrong’ i just think it’s different for each family. However, i did want to point out that not every family who takes racism seriously and actively works to be anti-racist, is going to talk with children about this from day one. the color of our skin is pretty much just that. we do not label. we do describe. Q has used the words; creamy, palish, brown and brownish. as in ‘mom, when we get that kid from africa we’re going to have three browns and one kind of palish person in the family.’ yea babe thanks. palish.
we believe life will lead us into these discussions and there is no need to push them. we do not in general listen to the news on the radio and never watch TV news. Q has seen President Obama speak but that’s it. he has not heard much commentary about him. so i suppose i should not have been surprised when he said, over breakfast one day while we were for once listening to NPR “mom, that man just called President Obama black. why did he do that? why did he call him black?” i looked at him truly surprised. ”black is another term for african-americans” ”it is?” as he slurps cereal into his mouth. and then as if to himself he says out loud ‘that’s weird. why don’t they say brown?’
good question. i’m sure it will lead to many more.
when my daughter was little she always referred to herself as brown and had the same inquiries as your son. as a bi racial child growing up in a diverse neighborhood (until age 4/5) she would often hear white people or black people. what about me? she said one day. you said i was golden brown!
now as she is turning 13 she tells me i didnt discuss race enough and that i have to talk about it more with Kai. i hope to try- maybe i can take tips from my 13 year old
i think the world would be a better place if we all took lessons from your thirteen year old! I’m wondering when and what kind of discussions she would want. there was an amazing documentary about a couple from Queens new york. he was black she white and they had twin daughters. in queens their family was no big deal and the family really never talked about racism. the girls had great difficulty going into college. it was difficult to watch. they were completely unprepared. i think pre-k and kindergarten are too young. they are needing to belong so intensely! i think they need to feel part of a family first (school being a new family). now that he is in first grade things are really changing in him. his conversation is changing. his questions are changing and i can tell he’s ready to handle some of the realty of life that he wasn’t last year. it will be a very interesting year!
Elliott at 10 still refuses to use the terms ‘black’ or ‘African-American’ to describe himself, although he definitely thinks of himself as someone who is AA. Brown has always been his word of choice for just about everyone darker than his parents (so, really, the other 99.99% of the world–we’re pretty palish too), Elliott included.
so what’s his word for palish people?
I love seeing the world through Q’s eyes! Thank you for sharing, Palish mama! BTW, I love Teaching Tolerance. We used so many curriculums/curriculi (?) of theirs at Metanoia.
Hugs
I just finally went to the Metanoia website a few days ago, totally jealous!!! Great job.
i like curriculi.
I live in a very racially diverse neighborhood. From the very beginning when we took the girls to pre-school and kindergarten our girls understood in a sense that people were all different. The questions of race never really came up. They would come home and explain to us that so and so was from Somalia or Mexico or New Zealand or Bosnia. They were excited when they first understood they were Indians.
“Spanish Indians.” I said.
“So!” They replied.
They sometimes tease their mom that she’s palish.
they are so very lucky! it’s funny, but i feel sorry for children who live in all white neighborhoods and attend all white schools. they’re missing so much that they will never get in books or tv or movies. the public school we’re in has it’s issues, but i’m so happy for the diversity. and the parents, all the parents really care and show up to the events and really work to make the school great.